I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
