I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
