awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
