just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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