Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
