I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
