Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
