He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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