Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
why is half of my head shaved?
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