Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He kissed a someone with a penis
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
