I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
