you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
