The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
