I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Drake has all the answers
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
