Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
