it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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