Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
