As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
