I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Everyone says I win the strip club
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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