trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
