Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
