theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
