I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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