everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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