I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
