I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
