Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
