i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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