I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
