Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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