Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
