i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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