I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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