No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
