The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
