I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
