So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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