I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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