Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
