Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She said her name was "party"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
