The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
