Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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