then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
