Three words: puerto rican gang bang
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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