There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
