you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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