You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
