the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
