Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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