Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
